Beta readers are scary

I quickly finished my edit today and sent Ambulance off to my trusty beta readers. I'm actually amazed I got so many volunteers. Two are my best friends, one of whom is a big reader (good thing in a beta reader!) and the other is the most incredibly detail-oriented, cynical, nick-picker ever - which sounds like it would be bad, but he also really loves me, so he's not going to be afraid to tell me the truth. Another is a friend that I only talked to in high school a few times, but we've been online BFFs for like three years. He's one of the most randomly supportive people I know. Another is a girl I met in university last term. And then my cousin volunteered earlier today.

So wow. I managed to get so many, just from a quick Facebook status asking for volunteers. What amazing friends I have! I feel bad for friends of writers... we're such needy, insecure people.

But now there's definitely some stage fright going on. I actually had to turn down a reader, my aunt, because I was totally worried what she'd think of me if she read my book. I mean, it's full of sex! FULL of it! And a swear word every few sentences. Not that I'm ashamed of what I write, but it's different having friends read my writing, and having older, wiser family members read it, especially when they're writers too and basically got me started writing when I was little.

So yeah, this is overwhelming. But all I can do now is sit back and wait, right?

Except that I'm sure (once again!) that I've written this thing completely wrong and that I should start over from scratch (AGAIN). This book needs to go die in a corner.

But at the same time, I've been working on it for more than four years. I've abandoned so many other projects, but this one sticks with me. That must mean there's something to salvage, right?

I guess I'll just wait for the peanut gallery's input.